No matter how I keep on repeating myself, it is I, who always give up and contact him.
Today, I texted him, and he did answer me again.
This time, he said that all the things I did was to embarrass him in front of his family. The first time was when I texted him I love you, his sister was able to read it. Second, when my phone got stolen and I was not able to send him money. The third was when I messaged his cousin (this part was really my mistake since I mistook the guy)
I explained my part, because of no communication that I was able to do the last.
I then asked him, his decision on what to do with me...I was expecting him to break up with me...but no answer,...I wish he just made the decision and just ended my madness...
Glass Heart
|
I'm so weak, despite the things I have said, and will do, I still think of him.
I don't know what to do anymore :'(
I don't know what to do anymore :'(
I know this is wrong...
|
So much noise...I don't want to go through this...
I'll just bury myself with work.
and Seal off these memories...
I'll just bury myself with work.
and Seal off these memories...
Scorched Heart
|
I plan to break up with him, but with my recent mistakes, I made things a lot worse. Now, he will never talk to me again, save breaking up.
All these noise inside my head, a lot of things, what happened between me and him...our fight...arguments... and the need to focus on my new work. I can't make another mistake.
As to quote my colleague, "Love yourself before you can love others."
I may need to re think my ways and to cool off a lot of steam. Things will happen soon, and I hope my scorched heart will be able to take what is going to happen.
I am having a fever right now. I can't stand this noise.
All these noise inside my head, a lot of things, what happened between me and him...our fight...arguments... and the need to focus on my new work. I can't make another mistake.
As to quote my colleague, "Love yourself before you can love others."
I may need to re think my ways and to cool off a lot of steam. Things will happen soon, and I hope my scorched heart will be able to take what is going to happen.
I am having a fever right now. I can't stand this noise.
Whose damn fault is this???
|
It's been a month that he started asking for space.
It began when I promised to lend him money. That day, I lost my work. And then I was commented on how my working attitude goes on for the worst. Losing my job and all. Then I lost my phone.
I informed him that day but he told me that the depends on me. I think that is how things went on. He called me a liar since I was still online through all that time. I told him I already lost my phone that day in a market stall. He did not believe me. I think he was only thinking of how he could get the money I was about to lend him, that was a promise I made but I was not able to uphold it.
And now, I have a job. And he still asks for space, despite the fact that we already made up.
I began to have suspicions since we have not talked that much, in the past, I caught him chatting with another man, even to the point where the jerk is telling him "I love you". He is still asking for that damn space. There came two nights that I wanted to talk to him, so we could fix things. He ignored my calls. My messages, saying that he did not want to talk as he wanted space. I begged and pleaded till daybreak to answer my call but he did not answer.
I went through the messages he posted on facebook. I know that is low of me but I was so angry. And I read from there that he's going to meet this boy when he comes back in Manila.
I even told him that I'm going to tell this boy about us. Still he did not reply.
I told the boy about the concern. And surprise, he was the cousin. Although that was the case, I was being reprimanded because I have been thinking like a kid he says, that I have a dirty mind. I replied that if he only knew me all in all, in a way, he could understand what I was going through. He said I deserved everything that is happening today.
Do I? I have faults. But everything is already done..I want to break up with him as to end the term he gave me..."that you only make things worse for me...". I had enough. I cannot stand a relationship where you don't talk at all for a month.
Sometimes, these are days that I wanted to just die and be done with it.
It began when I promised to lend him money. That day, I lost my work. And then I was commented on how my working attitude goes on for the worst. Losing my job and all. Then I lost my phone.
I informed him that day but he told me that the depends on me. I think that is how things went on. He called me a liar since I was still online through all that time. I told him I already lost my phone that day in a market stall. He did not believe me. I think he was only thinking of how he could get the money I was about to lend him, that was a promise I made but I was not able to uphold it.
And now, I have a job. And he still asks for space, despite the fact that we already made up.
I began to have suspicions since we have not talked that much, in the past, I caught him chatting with another man, even to the point where the jerk is telling him "I love you". He is still asking for that damn space. There came two nights that I wanted to talk to him, so we could fix things. He ignored my calls. My messages, saying that he did not want to talk as he wanted space. I begged and pleaded till daybreak to answer my call but he did not answer.
I went through the messages he posted on facebook. I know that is low of me but I was so angry. And I read from there that he's going to meet this boy when he comes back in Manila.
I even told him that I'm going to tell this boy about us. Still he did not reply.
I told the boy about the concern. And surprise, he was the cousin. Although that was the case, I was being reprimanded because I have been thinking like a kid he says, that I have a dirty mind. I replied that if he only knew me all in all, in a way, he could understand what I was going through. He said I deserved everything that is happening today.
Do I? I have faults. But everything is already done..I want to break up with him as to end the term he gave me..."that you only make things worse for me...". I had enough. I cannot stand a relationship where you don't talk at all for a month.
Sometimes, these are days that I wanted to just die and be done with it.
Almost at the edge...
|
I came home after a day's orientation...I am glad I now have work again, but still, we need to sign the contract...
I felt my chest harden this afternoon as I was thinking if we can ever make up again...I can't resist, I looked at his fb and this is what I found...
He was chatting on wechat again. And he said that the others were begging to see him naked. Just a trip.
I...just felt like I just ate something I wanna throw up.
But I can't. He really loves to hurt me. :(
I felt my chest harden this afternoon as I was thinking if we can ever make up again...I can't resist, I looked at his fb and this is what I found...
He was chatting on wechat again. And he said that the others were begging to see him naked. Just a trip.
I...just felt like I just ate something I wanna throw up.
But I can't. He really loves to hurt me. :(
Burning Fifth...
|
We had another fight last month. It wasn't the worst, but it definitely was bad. I won't say that I was right, but its one of those fights were neither of us wer Big e willing to give up. I can't blame him. There were a lot of factors on both sides. All I could think of, was that I love him.
And then again today. After we fought, he still had those mannerisms were he won't message me, saying he had no time, busy, or tired...he still have problems I know...but
these were our previous conversations...
1042pm.08202013
Me: Wala na ba tayong tawagan ng endearment? Hindi ka na rin nag ttext?
Beh: Ano na naman yan? Big deal na naman? Ayos na nga dahil naganahan ako mag text.
Me: Kung ganun, kelangan ko pa humingi ng gana mo para mka text ka. It's not a big deal. It's a relationship where two people who love each other give time despite being busy or being not at their best.
Beh: Please lang, ang gulo ng isip ko...sa mga nangyari satin last month sa atin ok. Saka isa pa di ko gusto may madamay sa problema ko dahil gusto kong maging matured.
Me: All I ask from you is time. In a relationship, there is trust, understanding, patience, respect, hope and love. I waited for you, I am trying to understand you. But you've grown cold. Sobra na ba na humingi ako ng 5 seconds para maganahan kang magtext sakin?
Online ka naman. Kahit mag message skin wala talaga. What do you mean "last month"? Dinadala mo pa rin mga kasalanan ko hanggang ngayon?
(During this, my phone got snatched, so the promise of sending him money was not done. He thought I was making up stories since he can see my facebook online status)
Beh: Alangan na lagi kung hawakan cp ko para lang mag message. Kay online ako...ikaw ang bahala ah...tamad nakung mag argue
Me: For me, I've put all those in the past because I love you and I believe you love me too. I don't see anything wrong in you or anything you need to mature to. You're already matured. I don't want you to change, I love you for who you are.
Beh: Alangan mangin lampa ako sa pamilya ko..nga para di mag mature...kung hindi ka makaintindi sa akin, sayo na yan. I want to be a good person sa family ko, kaya gusto ko mag move on sa dating ako. Na lagi lang natapakan...
Me: If you see this as an argument, then it's my loss. What I am trying to point is a small portion of your time. For Us. For our relationship. And to keep our communication going and to keep it strong.
Beh: Tamad nako makipagtalo. Nasabi ko na lahat. Kung di ka makaintindi, ako nlang. Don't worry dahil di nko mag oopen ng fb. Big deal talaga kung online.
Me: I love you. I can't change how you decide. But I still believe on how you love me more than anything else. I believe in you.
Beh: Saka tamad na ako mag text2x pa saka magpa load. Nagprangka na ako. tc
Me: good night and sweet dreams.
1133pm 08202013
A day after, he posted this on his fb...
He didn't have time for me, but time for chatting with someone. :( It hurt. A lot.
And then again today. After we fought, he still had those mannerisms were he won't message me, saying he had no time, busy, or tired...he still have problems I know...but
these were our previous conversations...
1042pm.08202013
Me: Wala na ba tayong tawagan ng endearment? Hindi ka na rin nag ttext?
Beh: Ano na naman yan? Big deal na naman? Ayos na nga dahil naganahan ako mag text.
Me: Kung ganun, kelangan ko pa humingi ng gana mo para mka text ka. It's not a big deal. It's a relationship where two people who love each other give time despite being busy or being not at their best.
Beh: Please lang, ang gulo ng isip ko...sa mga nangyari satin last month sa atin ok. Saka isa pa di ko gusto may madamay sa problema ko dahil gusto kong maging matured.
Me: All I ask from you is time. In a relationship, there is trust, understanding, patience, respect, hope and love. I waited for you, I am trying to understand you. But you've grown cold. Sobra na ba na humingi ako ng 5 seconds para maganahan kang magtext sakin?
Online ka naman. Kahit mag message skin wala talaga. What do you mean "last month"? Dinadala mo pa rin mga kasalanan ko hanggang ngayon?
(During this, my phone got snatched, so the promise of sending him money was not done. He thought I was making up stories since he can see my facebook online status)
Beh: Alangan na lagi kung hawakan cp ko para lang mag message. Kay online ako...ikaw ang bahala ah...tamad nakung mag argue
Me: For me, I've put all those in the past because I love you and I believe you love me too. I don't see anything wrong in you or anything you need to mature to. You're already matured. I don't want you to change, I love you for who you are.
Beh: Alangan mangin lampa ako sa pamilya ko..nga para di mag mature...kung hindi ka makaintindi sa akin, sayo na yan. I want to be a good person sa family ko, kaya gusto ko mag move on sa dating ako. Na lagi lang natapakan...
Me: If you see this as an argument, then it's my loss. What I am trying to point is a small portion of your time. For Us. For our relationship. And to keep our communication going and to keep it strong.
Beh: Tamad nako makipagtalo. Nasabi ko na lahat. Kung di ka makaintindi, ako nlang. Don't worry dahil di nko mag oopen ng fb. Big deal talaga kung online.
Me: I love you. I can't change how you decide. But I still believe on how you love me more than anything else. I believe in you.
Beh: Saka tamad na ako mag text2x pa saka magpa load. Nagprangka na ako. tc
Me: good night and sweet dreams.
1133pm 08202013
A day after, he posted this on his fb...
He didn't have time for me, but time for chatting with someone. :( It hurt. A lot.
 |
| He was happily chatting with someone on "WeChat" |
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)